the mungo conspiracy

Mga taong masarap pag-umpugin: 1. Dingdong at Marian .   Ok lang sana si Marian, kung Marian lang. Pero pag may Dingdong na, umpugable na rin itong babaeng ito. 2. Sam and Piolo .  Umamin na kasi. 3. Mikey and Dato .  Mga kongresistang bugok dahil sa mas bugok nilang (tang)ina. 4. Aling Dionisia at Tessa Prieto-Valdez .  Ewan ko kung bakit. Pero ang saya sigurong pag-umpugin nito 'no? 5. FG and his arthritic lawyer/spokesman (do not even care to remember his name) .  Kailangan pa ba explain? 6. Willie Revillame and Jobert Sucaldito . Nang magka-alaman na kung sino talaga mas matigas. Kay Jobert ako! 7. Kris Aquino and Boy Abunda . Isama na rin si Papa James. 8. Floyd Mayweather Sr. and Jr . Ubod ng yabang mga duwagerns naman. Leche. 9. Justin Bieber at ang lahat ng kanyang fans. 10. Si Gloria at ang Ombuds(wo)man. May araw din kayo. Ano, meron pa ba kayong gustong idagdag sa listahan ko?

  There was Andres Malong who in the mid 1600's led Pangasinan in a revolt against Spain. Malong was the feared leader of the town Binalotongan -- so-named for their primary source of income, mungo.  Malong and his troops  became notorious and earned the monicker "amputi'y layag" (white ears)  because they would take the ears of those they've killed as trophies.  But alas, the ill-fated revolt would crumble under the weight of the Spanish military tactics (which included pitting Filipinos against Filipinos).  And to ensure that another Andres Malong would not rise and challenge the status quo, the Spanish authorities razed the town of "mungo", only to rename it "San Carlos"  after it was  rebuilt . An attempt, no doubt, to erase from the minds of the people th e s ource of their strength -- income from the mungo trade.  It is for this same reason that  Spain ordered the deletion of mungo  in the classic song "Bahay Kubo". Spain...

  Tell me people, how disappointed are you that you wound up on this blog instead of what your are really searching for over the web? I am not talking to the people who are regulars here, who probably saved my link in a convenient electronic tab on their computers, I am talking to those who used the Google search engine with all sorts of keywords only to find themselves (hopefully) entertained in this little blog of mine.  Yep. I've got "analytics" that give me these interesting little   details. The most popular keywords, as far as this blog is concerned would be, as expected, "mungo conspiracy" followed closely by the now gaining in popularity "mungo mafia" (perhaps our efforts are beginning to shed some light on that uber secret society, yehey!). But when I see "mungo ninja" on the list, I really have to smile. What is this person really looking for? And what about "papungas-pungas"? Funnier still would be "dnt tagalog ...

I'm a fan/follower of Hay!Men! blogspot ng Tunay na Lalake . The site is a parody, of course. But sadly, this little fact escapes the wannabes whose combined IQ scores would not equal the price of one liter of diesel.  Eniweys, here are some of my Tunay na Lalake commandments: 1. A ng tunay na lalake ay walang pake kung anong tuna ang kinakain ni DingDong at Marian. 2. Kailanman hindi nagiging status ng tunay na lalake sa facebook ay "It's complicated". Simple ang tunay na lalake at may isang salita. Either were together or we are not. It's never complicated. 3. Kailanman hindi sasagot ang tunay na lalake ng "whatever".  4. Paniwala ng tunay na lalake na kabawasan sa kanyang pagkalalaki ang pumatol ng away sa mga walang kalaban-laban. Ang manakit ng babae ay gawain ng mga walang "Biag ni Lam Ang".  5. Ang pagiging homophobic ay gawain ng hindi tunay na lalake. Bakit? Takot kang ma-recruit? Hindi ka sigurado sa pagkalalak...

    That the Left would be "disappointed" with PNoy's SONA does not surprise anymore. I could have written that story weeks before the President delivered his speech before the joint session of congress.  And it is not because I am psychic either. These jokers are simply predictable. Funny how they would deliver their soundbites to the news crew covering the event, as if they are actually saying something they carefully weighed even for a minute.  Forty years from now they will still be protesting President Baby James Aquino-Yap's SONA, complete with effigies and placards demanding "Ibagsak ang US-Baby James regime". I can compose right now their soundbite reactions to Aquino-Yap's SONA -- for a fee of course. But that said let me admit, I too am disappointed. I am disappointed that Gloria would not be there to bear the full brunt of the SHAME she so richly deserves. But maybe I am being naive. From what I gather from the reactions from her sons and ...

President Noynoy Aquino Cartoonish avatar of President Noynoy Aquino I created online at www.mywebface.com. His hair (what's left of it) is curly, because that's the best option available.  In contrast, my own avatar was done in Photoshop. But that took me hours to do.  Hey, do your own photos and email them to me and let's post it here somewhere. :D The Unpure One

With apologies to the Late Show with David Letterman (idol!), here is my top ten list of "Things you will hear on P-Noy's SONA on Monday": 10. Good news, Kris Aquino's move to the US is permanent. 9.  Better news, the DILG has discovered that refined diesel fuel complete with all the additives occurs naturally in Makati. 8. Best news, government will retake San Miguel Corp. New government policy, 4-5 pm Fridays is Happy Hour. 7. Boy Abunda appointed new czar on Wowowee affairs (permanently displacing Willie). 6. Budget deficit solved! Banko Sentral will just print more money. 5. Pampanga second district, now part of "axis of evil". 4. Ang Galing Pinoy Party List, declared a "destabilizer" and "terrorist organization". 3. Pasig river to be given new more accurate and appropriate name, "Pasig sewer system". 2. New tactic on the war on poverty, declare ceasefire. Bilateral talks with poverty set on Sept...

How true is the rumor that Michael "Let's get ready to rumble" Buffer will be the guest emcee in Monday's first State of the Nation address by P-Noy? And that the new president would enter the arena... errr... joint session of congress to the theme song "Maling Akala" by the Eraserheads?

Instead of declaring a state of calamity in the face of the water shortage in the Metro, President Noynoy Aquino has tasked the PAGASA to declare storm signal number 3 in Norzagaray, Bulacan to help replenish the dwindling water level at the Angat Dam. This briliant move is met with unanimous approval by both houses of the Senate and Congress.

How come the word "price" is synonymous to "worth" but "priceless" is the antonym of "worthless"?

Move over psychic mollusk, you got nothing on me. While your recent World Cup predictions turned out to be accurate, you can not see beyond the immediate future. Here are my predictions far further than any psychic now living would ever dare predict:   Oct 12, 2019. Philippine President Mar Roxas will sign an agreement with United Korean President Sing Song Sung to swap countries when research showed that there are more Koreans residing in the Philippines than Filipinos, and there are more Filipinos residing in Korea than Koreans. Feb 14, 2021. Ms. Kris Aquino will finally find marital bliss when she decides to marry in Canada -- Ms. Aiza Suegerra. Aug 15, 2022. In a tearful testimony before a Senate inquiry, Proctor and Gamble CEO, David Tan, is forced to admit that shampoo is nothing more than soap without the coagulants, and that conditioners are designed to give one dandruff so as to sell more anti-dandruff shampoos -- that really does not work. Nov 1, 2030...

There was a time, believe it or not, when labels actually meant something. Buy Levi's jeans and you know you are getting a good pair. It is a lot more expensive than the usual pair, something like 5 times more, but you know it's worth it. The thinking was, you have to pay for quality.  When I was young, I could never afford to buy Levi's jeans. But I was lucky enough to have been gifted by someone with an original pair. That lasted me all of 5 years. And even when it was already thread bare, ratty, and had holes in it, it was still a pair of Levi's. That meant something. It was cool to wear old ratty Levi's, holes and all.  But somewhere along the way something went terribly wrong. Some marketing genius figured, why not just create an expensive label? Sell jeans as expensive as Levi's without bothering with the quality to make an even bigger profit. That worked well -- for them. Indeed, a lot of consumers were bamboozled into thinking that expensive natu...

Apparently I won the shootout 12 hours earlier than I was supposed to. Zynga is giving away 5 Apple ipads in a raffle. To qualify, of course, you need to win the shootout tournament. You know what? No, problem. I guess I'll just go ahead and win it all over again. So ok. And here is the result:

This youtube video wouldn't bother me so much, except for the fact that it has gotten 14 million views (to date). This is really sad.

Do the Finns have problem spelling each others names? Karjalainen, Hämäläinen, Myllyniemi, Sillanpää, Väänänen, Nieminen, etc. Do the Thais have problem remembering each others names? Supitayaporn, Thanasukolwit, Praphasirirat, Suramongkol, Wattanapanit, etc. Exactly how many David Tans are there in the world right now?

For 37 hours I had no power, no water, no tv, and needless to say, no internet. Power was restored just this 1:00 pm thereabouts, that's 37 hours after power was cut off  when the storm hit Luzon. And no, Globe has yet to restore their service. I am doing this right now in an internet cafe with some kid beside me playing ragnarok or something (I really don't know). The thing about being without power for all of 37 hours, I am once again confronted by my inner demons I thought I was done and over with a long time ago. Once the 3 hour life of my laptop battery died, my thoughts started drifting to thoughts of mortality, the end of the world, suicide. Oh yeah, suicide. But that  particular thought came only after the 24th hour.  I remember when I used to work as a freelance video editor. The thing about doing freelance work is that it is lucrative when you are working (3-4 times more than working in a network), but work is never guaranteed. I can make my monthly budg...

Being the OC that I am, I never give up on something I like until I "perfect" it. Started playing shootouts last week and finally... I know this does not mean anything to most of you guys. But to the few who play Zynga poker know how tough this is. You have to finish first three times in a table with 8 other players. That means you, personally, have to crush the hopes and dreams of 24 other hopefuls in the process... and I love doing just that. lol!

That's me with my pet bot on the 200K Sit N Go table.  My pet bot celebrates with confetti and balloons whenever I win big.   Life lessons I learned playing Facebook Zynga poker: 1. You will lose more times than you will win, but if you win big and lose little, you will still come out on top. 2. It's not the cards that you are dealt with it is how you play it. Never blame chance. You are in control. You can call, fold, check, or raise. It is all up you. 3. Conservative play is the way to go. Aggressiveness will win you big, but in the end, aggressive play will make you lose it all. 4. But take a chance. You can not win if you don't place any chips on the line. 5. Know when you have lost and FOLD. Live to fight another day. 6. Let your opponents beat themselves. The biggest pots I've won was when I didn't even raise and just called until they went all-in. 7. Sometimes it is enough if you can just fake it (bluff). 8. Remember that po...

The following is a Facebook "conversation" between me and my pumpkins (2 of the 4 characters in my "A ninja I am" story. They are all grown now. Less gullible. One, in fact, has recently moved out of their house as he is a freshman in college and stays close to campus. The names of the characters involved have been ***** to protect the privacy of the innocent. :) Nephew : I also wonder if Tito's blog is being read... ;--; Me : Oo naman. lol! I've got followers/fans. Aside from the kamag-anak inc ha. Hindi fake yung mga comment dun. Pero  mababa pa unique IP hits ko. Highest is 65 in a day pa lang. :) Nephew : Kewl but the 1m pounds is fake Riiight?! Me : What do you think? Naniniwala ka pa rin ba na ninja ako? lol! Nabasa mo ba yung entry na yun? Remember when you  guys confronted me with that? :D Niece : GUYS? you meant me right? 8DDD  I was the one who totally fell for the ninja stuff. ; u ; Nephew : Lol yeah. It's...

Spare yourself the grief. Knowing that your anniversary, monthsary, Valentine’s Day, and yes even Christmas (to some degree) are all made up holidays invented by Hallmark, is no excuse. Spend for the flowers. Buy dinner. And oh, if you have to tell her to lose weight, take my word for it and don’t! If nothing else, you will thank me for that one piece of advice. It is alright for Oprah to do it, not you the significant other. Trust me. But what if she is not into Oprah? There is a more tactful way to achieve your goal. And by tactful, I mean deceitful. Yes, we, men, must employ every tool in our arsenal. Here’s what you do, you get her to meet with her old chums. Girlfriends she’s known since high school. As sure as snowbirds fly south for the winter, they’ll be the ones who will do the dirty work for you. And after they’ve spared no hyperboles in describing her flab, you get to play the understanding, above-it-all, ultra-supportive partner. And by the way  It’s “...

Are you like me? Are you having problems with your Facebook too? I lost almost 1 million in Zynga poker chips yesterday because I kept getting booted out. I had pocket aces, 500+ K chips all in, got three to go to the river with me, another ace on the turn, and I got booted out. I think I know why. See the graphic from facebook itself, this was not photoshopped in any way (except cropped to fit) . See? Facebook does not even go to the Philippines according to their own graphic. Well, now you know.

I'm quitting my job tomorrow. For finally, it happened. And I didn't even need to buy a ticket. Imagine that! All this time, I've been wasting my money on lotto tickets when all I needed to do was register a new email address. Look at what I got on my inbox. Yes people, I am now a millionaire! And not just a Philippine peso millionaire, but a British pounds millionaire. How much is the exchange rate again? At any rate, this is just perfect. I can now also help that daughter of a Nigerian government official who got imprisoned and can not get his untold sums of money out of that godforsaken country of theirs. I get a substantial cut of course. That's more money in the bank I tellsya. I must be the luckiest guy in the world! Excuse me now as I write my resignation email to my boss. Haha!

                 It is not that Gloria would have no shame selling her revisionist herstory. No, that does not shock anymore. Having endured nine years of bold-faced lies, this is no longer new. What is shocking is that she did not go all the way. Gaddemit Gloria! If you are going to cheat, cheat very well. And if you are going to lie, hire a better writer. This is my version of herstory: December 30, 2002, Rizal Day. President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, moved by her sense of selfless servitude to the Filipino people, announces with finality that she will not run for the presidency. Not even while that remains a legal option and those close to her swears she will win. But no, Gloria Macapal-Arroyo, realizes that her mere presence at the palace, given how she came to power, is the one divisive issue that hinders the nation's moving forward. There are over 80 million Filipinos, she reasons. Surely, one among them, and not me, can be a bett...

Today is the fourth of July, a regular normal day. But not back when we were still a Commonwealth of the United States. Yes kids, there was a time when the Philippines actually celebrated the Fourth of July as our Independence Day. It was a time when Filipinos also sang the Star Spangled Banner in school as our national anthem.  After we were granted independence, the fourth of July was briefly relegated to "Fil-Am Friendship Day". I am not too sure right now which president did that (kiss ass). But that is now moot as no one gives a hoot about that anymore. So today is a just any other day of the year. Except for the few idiots who also celebrate Halloween and/or Thanksgiving (Filipinos shouldn't do that! wtf?!). Too much Hollywood, I guess. But today, for me and my family, it is not just any other day. And it is not because of Hollywood. My mom (RIP) was born on the fourth of July. Happy Birthday mom!

I carry around dart pins just about wherever I go, even if the chances of a pick-up dart game is close to nil. It is part of my commitment to the sport where I shall become world champion, or die trying. It was about a year ago, when my work partner and I decided to go for it. I am nearing forty, and he, not too far behind. So no more excuses. We have been coasting along in life, doing the job-thing, paying the bills, and all the other necessary stuff that life entails, which was just fine. We were young. There was room enough in the future for all the other things we want to do. But last year, was the year when we decided to take stock of our lives. We decided to go after all the things that we wished we could look back in old age and say to ourselves "Yeah, I did that!" We were young enough still, but this may be our last realistic chance. And so began our serious training. We bought the necessary equipment, dart board and dart pins and quickly set it up in our housi...

I was watching Umagang Kay Ganda the other day, Doland Castro had a report about a robbery that happened on an internet cafe late evening somewhere in Quezon City. The crime was witnessed by high school students who were doing their homework, according to the report.  I don't know about Mr. Castro, but I figure, this is the perfect instance where the required word "allegedly" ought to have been used.  The incident was witnessed by high school students who were "allegedly" doing their homework. 

It’s the great age-old question, how do you know you are in love? Your father, your kuya, or maybe that drunk on the street corner you kid yourself to be all too wise might have given you this answer, “You’ll know when it happens.” Not only that that does not help it is a total cop-out. I may not be Shakespeare, but I am no cop-out. Here’s how you know. One, you are willing to dumb down my jokes so she gets it. You find it endearing that she will never get the joke “hanggang lower meniscus lang ang tagay”. Two, you laugh at her own dumb jokes. Even the text passed-on kind. And you honestly find it funny. But funniest of all, any question slightly resembling science would get the standard answer “because of the gravity of the earth.”