Sunday, June 26, 2011

Bored


If you find yourself bored, consider yourself very fortunate. Yes, that's right, you are fortunate to be bored. Boredom is a luxury for only those without real problems. There are dark days when I pray for one boring day. Just one boring day, please, oh dear God, give me one boring day.

Hungry people are not bored, they are hungry. Homeless people are not bored, they are homeless and tired and uncomfortable. People in pain are never bored.

Today, I thank God for this one boring Sunday. I wish you all dear readers a boring Sunday as well.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Post-mortem


Took me a long time to post this. So long that this is not even news anymore. Still hurts a bit, but hats off to the Dallas Mavericks for beating the talented Miami Heat. I am a die-hard D-Wade fan, you see.

One thing, I am glad that if the Miami had to lose in the Finals, it would be to the Mavs. I would still be too pissed today had it been those flamboyant Laker show-offs. Hate them.

The Mavericks played like champions. No real highlights to speak of. Not really. Not even in the Finals. They just quietly went about doing their jobs the entire year. Slaying one pretender after the other. And exposing that biggest pretender to the throne, James, in the Finals. Hate to admit it, but part of me was happy for Cleveland.

There is a lesson to be learned by all from this, I guess. Spectacular is for a-holes. Resiliency and quiet efficiency, now, that gets the job done.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Burger with cheese


Money was real tight back when I was a student. So tight that burgers became a de facto category in my main food groups. And by burgers, I don't mean the Jollibee kind, which was a luxury at the time, but the 20-peso burger from a mobile cart kinda deal.

It wasn't so bad. You eventually get used to the cardboardy taste after a while. But what really ticked me off about the whole situation was when I became aware of the evil imperialist machinations of the burger industry.

"With cheese, sir?" The girl innocently asked after I've placed an order for a burger. Just a burger. No order for a coke. No fries. And damned well no cheese. The extra 3 pesos I needed to shell out for that sliver of what they hope passes for cheese was simply beyond my financial capacity. Surely, these burger cart operators were aware of this. I mean, I am ordering a hamburger from a mobile cart. That alone tells you my last bank account balance didn't break 100. So why the darned stupid automatic question? Was that supposed to be rhetorical?

So I just had to shoot back at the evil empire, "Miss, burger with cheese will make it a cheeseburger. I didn't order a cheeseburger. I ordered a hamburger. That means no cheese." I was a little snarky. I didn't like being called out as a cheapskate who was unwilling to part with his 3 pesos.

But what happened next was trully unexpected. The girl literally cried. And then gave this heartfelt speech of how we UP students are all full of ourselves. That just because she wasn't a UP student makes her dumb. That in fact she was also a student, and inspite of having to work at that job, she was on top of her class.

I was taken aback. She misread my statement. I didn't mean that to be a personal attack on her intelligence. I knew she was MADE to ask that darned automatic question. She was just a cog, part of the evil machine, and she was unaware of it. Hate had blurred my vision and I had just shot a footsoldier. Much as I abhorred the evil machinations of the imperialist burger industry, there was simply no reason for me to shoot at a mere pawn -- unaware of the bigger picture of how these evil burger carts are there precisely to keep the student population blissfully unaware of the bigger picture themselves.

But it was too little too late. Too late to apologize. Finally, I just decided to order my burger to go.



Sunday, June 5, 2011

Loose change


It was my first job and I wasn't making much. It would have been a lot, actually,  if I was single and without responsibilities, as most people are at that age. But no, I was single, yes, but I had responsibilities.

Parents were both retired. And my younger sister was just starting her AB Political Science course in UP Manila. And it was up to me to fill in the gaps. It wasn't that bad. We had a house, and in fact, had some income (aside from my meager salary) coming in from an apartment we were renting out. But still, money was really tight. So much so that mom had to literally laugh out loud when she found out from the news that the daily budget for food for a New Bilibid prisoner was in fact 2 pesos more than ours. And they were complaining! The nerve.

One night, coming home after two weeks of working on an out of town assignment, I pulled out my wallet to give my salary to my mom. After I'd given the budget for the house, all I had left was 500 pesos and change.  Mom saw me counting the loose change in my pocket and felt sorry for me. I was not. Hell no. I just spent two weeks in the best hotels signing for room service and everything else, I explained. I had a pretty girlfriend who understands I can't be spending much on dates and friends who buys me beer.

Finally, I told my mom, "I have 500 pesos in my wallet and I am ok. In fact, I'm happy. You know what,  I am glad I am not Don Jaime Zobel. He'd probably shoot himself if he had just 500 pesos left."

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Fashion sensible


I am not really a fashion expert. My sense of style is mostly limited to sensible. Fact is, I can not tell the difference between a Prada and a Gucci, and I really don't care. But there is something to be said about "sensible". Just look around you.


The following list is a guideline of sorts for the fashion victims.

1. Clothes were invented to protect us from the elements and to cover our private parts. Fashion, on the other hand, was invented to accentuate our assets and to hide our flaws. This in mind, remember that if you think you might require a second bra around your waist, please do not wear a tube-top, or a half-shirt. And for the love of God please don't reveal too much skin when you have bad skin.

2. The Justin Bieber hairstyle doesn't really work. Not even for Justin Bieber. He is famous in spite of the bad  haircut. Take note Manny Pacquiao.

3. Ladies, formal business attire does not include dresses that one might wear to the prom. Seriously, I had to send someone home and change because of this.

4. General rule: clothes that shine, shimmer, or sparkle are evening clothes. Evening clothes are not to be worn during the day. Redundant you say? No, I had to write that second sentence as some people just do not get it.

5. Men, unless you are at the gym, muscle t-shirts are GAY. And ladies, going to the mall is not an occassion to wear your cute aerobics outfit.

6. Dress for the occassion. Do not wear gladiator shoes to the wet market. Do not wear heels to the beach. I don't care how expensive your basketball shoes are, they are not formal wear. Bowling shoes are for bowling.

7. Dress your age. Micro-minis do not really work for women over 40. I don't care how good you think your legs are. While men over thirty should stop trying to look they are in a boy band.

8. If you have to keep tugging on your skirt to keep it low, it is too short. I can't blame you though if that is your uniform.

9. Dress comfortably. It defeats the purpose if you have to keep fidgeting to carry that cute outfit. And there is no point in sweating like a pig in order to look cool in that jacket.

10. Fashion sense rarely translates well when imported from overseas. What looks cute in Tokyo will make you look like a Japayuki in Manila. And no, we don't have winter here, so don't wear winter clothes.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I dislike you


I guess today I can declare my youtube video upload (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2H0fS1zdoQ) finally "official". Got my first dislike today. Who dislikes a perfectly benign video? I only dislike youtube videos when they are labeled wrong, spamming, racist, hateful, etc. I do not even dislike the amateurs who do covers of my favorite songs. I pretend I am an American Idol judge and give them constructive criticisms in the comments section is all I do. Oh well...

2,675 views, 11 likes, and 1 dislike. I can live with that.

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For the few of you who know me in real life, my dear kamag-anak inc., and friends from my Facebook account, please know that while I blog mostly about my life and my posts are made in the first person point of view, I do, from time to time, exercise literary license. Yes, I lie! Lol. No. Some of the stories depicted here are fiction. That I do not tell which is which, makes it a little more fun, doesn't it?

No animals were harmed in the production of this blog. Parental guidance is advised. And no approved therapeutic claims. Hindi ito gamot.

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Mungo Conspiracy would like to thank:

Kuya Bing for all the support without which I would not have been able to start this blog. My baby sister Charo, who has always been my number one fan. Gie for twisting Kuya Bing's arms to lend me support. Rocky for being the first follower. Chris for the free ad space on MTC.

I would also like to mention Kuya Jong and Kuya Rolly, Rex, Kim, and all of my pumpkins, Dustin, Innah, Jonas, Danwell, Glea, Jiro, Ram, Yzab, Hannah, and Annika, who are my inspirations for many of my stories here.

And thanks to the Iligan Chapter of the conspirators who were the first to fill-up my followers' box! :)

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email : mungoconspiracy@gmail.com