Saturday, July 31, 2010

Random list

Mga taong masarap pag-umpugin:

1. Dingdong at Marian. Ok lang sana si Marian, kung Marian lang. Pero pag may Dingdong na, umpugable na rin itong babaeng ito.

2. Sam and PioloUmamin na kasi.

3. Mikey and DatoMga kongresistang bugok dahil sa mas bugok nilang (tang)ina.

4. Aling Dionisia at Tessa Prieto-ValdezEwan ko kung bakit. Pero ang saya sigurong pag-umpugin nito 'no?

5. FG and his arthritic lawyer/spokesman (do not even care to remember his name)Kailangan pa ba explain?

6. Willie Revillame and Jobert Sucaldito. Nang magka-alaman na kung sino talaga mas matigas. Kay Jobert ako!

7. Kris Aquino and Boy Abunda. Isama na rin si Papa James.

8. Floyd Mayweather Sr. and Jr. Ubod ng yabang mga duwagerns naman. Leche.

9. Justin Bieber at ang lahat ng kanyang fans.

10. Si Gloria at ang Ombuds(wo)man. May araw din kayo.

Ano, meron pa ba kayong gustong idagdag sa listahan ko?

Friday, July 30, 2010

In the beginning


There was Andres Malong who in the mid 1600's led Pangasinan in a revolt against Spain. Malong was the feared leader of the town Binalotongan -- so-named for their primary source of income, mungo. 

Malong and his troops became notorious and earned the monicker "amputi'y layag" (white ears) because they would take the ears of those they've killed as trophies. But alas, the ill-fated revolt would crumble under the weight of the Spanish military tactics (which included pitting Filipinos against Filipinos). 

And to ensure that another Andres Malong would not rise and challenge the status quo, the Spanish authorities razed the town of "mungo", only to rename it "San Carlos" after it was rebuilt. An attempt, no doubt, to erase from the minds of the people the source of their strength -- income from the mungo trade. It is for this same reason that Spain ordered the deletion of mungo in the classic song "Bahay Kubo". Spain does not want the Indios to remember what fuels revolutions! 

But sadly, the damage has been done. No one remembers anymore the original version of the Filipino classic song. Watch the youtube video below:

Alright, it is not technically the best rendition of the song. But hey, I needed the excuse to post Luke's youtube video here.

Tactics such as these is what initially drove the mungo trade underground, and thus the Mungo Mafia was born. But like the Hukbalahap, and later on, the New People's Army, what was initially a cause oriented movement has evolved into something else entirely. 

The Mungo Mafia lives and thrives controlling the mungo market to this day. Notwithstanding that their initial cause has already been won. Sadly, the Mungo Mafia is no longer the Freedom Fighters they once were and has become nothing more than a money grubbing bunch that does not care for the cause of freedom.

Blame goes to Neckromancer for feeding me these historical tidbits.

Thursday, July 29, 2010



Tell me people, how disappointed are you that you wound up on this blog instead of what your are really searching for over the web? I am not talking to the people who are regulars here, who probably saved my link in a convenient electronic tab on their computers, I am talking to those who used the Google search engine with all sorts of keywords only to find themselves (hopefully) entertained in this little blog of mine. 

Yep. I've got "analytics" that give me these interesting little details. The most popular keywords, as far as this blog is concerned would be, as expected, "mungo conspiracy" followed closely by the now gaining in popularity "mungo mafia" (perhaps our efforts are beginning to shed some light on that uber secret society, yehey!).

But when I see "mungo ninja" on the list, I really have to smile. What is this person really looking for? And what about "papungas-pungas"? Funnier still would be "dnt tagalog me i\'m bisayan spokening". And I hope this person is not serious when he searched with the keywords "anu-ano ang gamot ng baliw". I'm sorry, but as my advisory clearly states, this blog has no approved therapeutic claims (hindi ito gamot).

I am sorry accidental visitors if this little blog wasted a few minutes of your precious time. I can only hope that if you read a few of my funnier entries, at least I made you smile. 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tunay na lalake

I'm a fan/follower of Hay!Men! blogspot ng Tunay na Lalake. The site is a parody, of course. But sadly, this little fact escapes the wannabes whose combined IQ scores would not equal the price of one liter of diesel. 

Eniweys, here are some of my Tunay na Lalake commandments:

1. Ang tunay na lalake ay walang pake kung anong tuna ang kinakain ni DingDong at Marian.

2. Kailanman hindi nagiging status ng tunay na lalake sa facebook ay "It's complicated". Simple ang tunay na lalake at may isang salita. Either were together or we are not. It's never complicated.

3. Kailanman hindi sasagot ang tunay na lalake ng "whatever". 

4. Paniwala ng tunay na lalake na kabawasan sa kanyang pagkalalaki ang pumatol ng away sa mga walang kalaban-laban. Ang manakit ng babae ay gawain ng mga walang "Biag ni Lam Ang". 

5. Ang pagiging homophobic ay gawain ng hindi tunay na lalake. Bakit? Takot kang ma-recruit? Hindi ka sigurado sa pagkalalaki mo 'no?

6. Ang tunay na lalake ay kayang panindigan kung ano man ang resulta ng kanyang mga aksyon. Kaya maingat magsalita, gumawa ng desisyon, o gumawa ng aksyon. Hindi padalos-dalos. Ang tunay na lalake ay walang susumbungan. Alam niya ito. Walang aayos ng kanyang gusot kung hindi siya lamang.

7. Ang tunay na lalake ay walang pake kung ano na ang status ng career ni Charisse (tama ba ang spelling?). Kung sexy starlet na labas ang cleavage kung kumanta, baka maalala pa ng tunay na lalake ang pangalan ng singer. 

8. Ang starbaks ay para sa mga hindi tunay na lalake. Para sa tunay na lalake, kapeng barako (Batangas coffee) lang ang tunay na kape. Gayunpaman, magtitiyaga sa 3 in 1, pero hindi gagastos ng siento para sa isang tasang kape masabi lang na thotyal siya. And TnL ay praktikal.

9. Ang Metro Sexuality ay hindi gawain ng tunay na lalake. Kung pwede lang pumasok sa opis ng naka John Puruntong shorts at tsinelas, gagawin niya ito. 

10. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi kumakain ng mungo pag Friday.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010



That the Left would be "disappointed" with PNoy's SONA does not surprise anymore. I could have written that story weeks before the President delivered his speech before the joint session of congress.  And it is not because I am psychic either. These jokers are simply predictable. Funny how they would deliver their soundbites to the news crew covering the event, as if they are actually saying something they carefully weighed even for a minute. Forty years from now they will still be protesting President Baby James Aquino-Yap's SONA, complete with effigies and placards demanding "Ibagsak ang US-Baby James regime". I can compose right now their soundbite reactions to Aquino-Yap's SONA -- for a fee of course.

But that said let me admit, I too am disappointed. I am disappointed that Gloria would not be there to bear the full brunt of the SHAME she so richly deserves. But maybe I am being naive. From what I gather from the reactions from her sons and those who supported her blighted presidency, "shame" is no longer in their vocabulary. 

PNoy, perhaps, was being naive himself when he appealed to the sense of "hiya" from Gloria's midnight appointees to do the right thing. He might as well have appealed to Osama Bin Laden's sense of humanity and just surrender. It will not happen. PNoy's administration better prepare themselves for a long drawn out legal battle before we can rid our government of these leeches.

That Imelda gets to prance in all her Imeldific glory was another disappointment. I am no fashion expert but I believe an orange jumpsuit would suit her better. Sabi nga ni PNoy, pwede na ulit mangarap, di ba?

Finally, I am disappointed too for some other more personal reason. Not once was the word "mungo" or "mafia" mentioned in PNoy's SONA. He's got his sights on the Rice Mafia, but sadly we can expect no aid from the PNoy presidency in our battle against the Mungo Mafia. Now that's the real shame.

Sunday, July 25, 2010


President Noynoy Aquino

Cartoonish avatar of President Noynoy Aquino I created online at His hair (what's left of it) is curly, because that's the best option available. In contrast, my own avatar was done in Photoshop. But that took me hours to do. Hey, do your own photos and email them to me and let's post it here somewhere. :D

The Unpure One

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Top ten list

With apologies to the Late Show with David Letterman (idol!), here is my top ten list of "Things you will hear on P-Noy's SONA on Monday":

10. Good news, Kris Aquino's move to the US is permanent.

9.  Better news, the DILG has discovered that refined diesel fuel complete with all the additives occurs naturally in Makati.

8. Best news, government will retake San Miguel Corp. New government policy, 4-5 pm Fridays is Happy Hour.

7. Boy Abunda appointed new czar on Wowowee affairs (permanently displacing Willie).

6. Budget deficit solved! Banko Sentral will just print more money.

5. Pampanga second district, now part of "axis of evil".

4. Ang Galing Pinoy Party List, declared a "destabilizer" and "terrorist organization".

3. Pasig river to be given new more accurate and appropriate name, "Pasig sewer system".

2. New tactic on the war on poverty, declare ceasefire. Bilateral talks with poverty set on September.

1. Gloria? She's going to prison.

Friday, July 23, 2010

State of the nation

How true is the rumor that Michael "Let's get ready to rumble" Buffer will be the guest emcee in Monday's first State of the Nation address by P-Noy? And that the new president would enter the arena... errr... joint session of congress to the theme song "Maling Akala" by the Eraserheads?

Thursday, July 22, 2010


Instead of declaring a state of calamity in the face of the water shortage in the Metro, President Noynoy Aquino has tasked the PAGASA to declare storm signal number 3 in Norzagaray, Bulacan to help replenish the dwindling water level at the Angat Dam. This briliant move is met with unanimous approval by both houses of the Senate and Congress.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Of synonyms and antonyms

How come the word "price" is synonymous to "worth" but "priceless" is the antonym of "worthless"?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bold predictions

Move over psychic mollusk, you got nothing on me. While your recent World Cup predictions turned out to be accurate, you can not see beyond the immediate future. Here are my predictions far further than any psychic now living would ever dare predict: 

Oct 12, 2019. Philippine President Mar Roxas will sign an agreement with United Korean President Sing Song Sung to swap countries when research showed that there are more Koreans residing in the Philippines than Filipinos, and there are more Filipinos residing in Korea than Koreans.

Feb 14, 2021. Ms. Kris Aquino will finally find marital bliss when she decides to marry in Canada -- Ms. Aiza Suegerra.

Aug 15, 2022. In a tearful testimony before a Senate inquiry, Proctor and Gamble CEO, David Tan, is forced to admit that shampoo is nothing more than soap without the coagulants, and that conditioners are designed to give one dandruff so as to sell more anti-dandruff shampoos -- that really does not work.

Nov 1, 2030. The Philippines finally joins the rest of the world in a paper-money-less economy. All financial transactions are done electronically. Coins however will continue to be minted, if only because jeepneys continue to be the king of Philippine roads.

Monday, July 19, 2010


There was a time, believe it or not, when labels actually meant something. Buy Levi's jeans and you know you are getting a good pair. It is a lot more expensive than the usual pair, something like 5 times more, but you know it's worth it. The thinking was, you have to pay for quality. 

When I was young, I could never afford to buy Levi's jeans. But I was lucky enough to have been gifted by someone with an original pair. That lasted me all of 5 years. And even when it was already thread bare, ratty, and had holes in it, it was still a pair of Levi's. That meant something. It was cool to wear old ratty Levi's, holes and all. 

But somewhere along the way something went terribly wrong. Some marketing genius figured, why not just create an expensive label? Sell jeans as expensive as Levi's without bothering with the quality to make an even bigger profit. That worked well -- for them. Indeed, a lot of consumers were bamboozled into thinking that expensive naturally meant quality. Heck, you can even buy new jeans with fake holes in it! Imagine the sheer stupidity of that. 

Of course, you can not fool everyone all the time. And so, a whole lot of us do not buy "labels" anymore. I, in fact, have a healthy disdain for it. I figure, the more expensive your pair of jeans, if it is not Levi's quality, the shallower you are. Haha. 

It is unfortunate, but the underhanded tactic employed by some would taint not only their own names but even quality makers like Levi's. I heard Levi's is not doing too well nowadays. Now that's just sad. I still want one. I am saving for one.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I did it again

Apparently I won the shootout 12 hours earlier than I was supposed to. Zynga is giving away 5 Apple ipads in a raffle. To qualify, of course, you need to win the shootout tournament. You know what? No, problem. I guess I'll just go ahead and win it all over again. So ok.

And here is the result:

14 million fake abs

This youtube video wouldn't bother me so much, except for the fact that it has gotten 14 million views (to date). This is really sad.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Last names

Do the Finns have problem spelling each others names? Karjalainen, Hämäläinen, Myllyniemi, Sillanpää, Väänänen, Nieminen, etc.

Do the Thais have problem remembering each others names? Supitayaporn, Thanasukolwit, Praphasirirat, Suramongkol, Wattanapanit, etc.

Exactly how many David Tans are there in the world right now?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

37 hours

For 37 hours I had no power, no water, no tv, and needless to say, no internet. Power was restored just this 1:00 pm thereabouts, that's 37 hours after power was cut off  when the storm hit Luzon. And no, Globe has yet to restore their service. I am doing this right now in an internet cafe with some kid beside me playing ragnarok or something (I really don't know).

The thing about being without power for all of 37 hours, I am once again confronted by my inner demons I thought I was done and over with a long time ago. Once the 3 hour life of my laptop battery died, my thoughts started drifting to thoughts of mortality, the end of the world, suicide. Oh yeah, suicide. But that  particular thought came only after the 24th hour. 

I remember when I used to work as a freelance video editor. The thing about doing freelance work is that it is lucrative when you are working (3-4 times more than working in a network), but work is never guaranteed. I can make my monthly budget if I work one week a month. Sometimes I have two gigs at a time (sleep is over-rated). So yeah, I was doing alright. But you have to remind yourself to save for the rainy day. And rainy days always come. So I made a pact with myself to never spend on anything frivolous, not until I got 2 months budget safely tucked away in my savings account anyway. Why 2 months? That's the longest time I've had no work ever since I started working. And what happens after 2 months and I've spent all my savings and I can still find no work? Aha! There's the suicide part of my pact to myself. And no, it is not some lame-ass just go ahead and hang yourself in a closet kinda deal. That's for useless sissies. My suicide will be kamikaze style. Yes, final service to the community. And I've made a hit list.

37 hours of no electricity and I am reminded, I need to update my hit list. Gloria should no longer be on top of that list. She's going to prison soon, methinks. So yeah. I have a new list. But it is a secret. :)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Being the OC that I am, I never give up on something I like until I "perfect" it. Started playing shootouts last week and finally...

I know this does not mean anything to most of you guys. But to the few who play Zynga poker know how tough this is. You have to finish first three times in a table with 8 other players. That means you, personally, have to crush the hopes and dreams of 24 other hopefuls in the process... and I love doing just that. lol!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Zynga poker

That's me with my pet bot on the 200K Sit N Go table. 
My pet bot celebrates with confetti and balloons whenever I win big. 

Life lessons I learned playing Facebook Zynga poker:

1. You will lose more times than you will win, but if you win big and lose little, you will still come out on top.

2. It's not the cards that you are dealt with it is how you play it. Never blame chance. You are in control. You can call, fold, check, or raise. It is all up you.

3. Conservative play is the way to go. Aggressiveness will win you big, but in the end, aggressive play will make you lose it all.

4. But take a chance. You can not win if you don't place any chips on the line.

5. Know when you have lost and FOLD. Live to fight another day.

6. Let your opponents beat themselves. The biggest pots I've won was when I didn't even raise and just called until they went all-in.

7. Sometimes it is enough if you can just fake it (bluff).

8. Remember that pocket aces is still just one pair. 2-3 can still beat that.

9. The cute chick with the model-like picture for an avatar is not a chick. Do not add her as a buddy. Trust me. She will harass you no end for chips.

10. In the end, it is all just  games. So chill.

I have around 5 million Zynga chips at the moment. I am currently playing at the 100K buy-in "sit n go" tables.

Looking for poker tips? Click on the label below (zynga poker) for related posts, or go to my new blog here.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


The following is a Facebook "conversation" between me and my pumpkins (2 of the 4 characters in my "A ninja I am" story. They are all grown now. Less gullible. One, in fact, has recently moved out of their house as he is a freshman in college and stays close to campus. The names of the characters involved have been ***** to protect the privacy of the innocent. :)

Nephew: I also wonder if Tito's blog is being read... ;--;

Me: Oo naman. lol! I've got followers/fans. Aside from the kamag-anak inc ha. Hindi fake yung mga comment dun. Pero mababa pa unique IP hits ko. Highest is 65 in a day pa lang. :)

Nephew: Kewl but the 1m pounds is fake Riiight?!

Me: What do you think? Naniniwala ka pa rin ba na ninja ako? lol! Nabasa mo ba yung entry na yun? Remember when you guys confronted me with that? :D

Niece: GUYS? you meant me right? 8DDD 
I was the one who totally fell for the ninja stuff. ; u ;

Nephew: Lol yeah. It's not true it took me a long time to realize that though hahaha! That leaves to a no 1m pounds then I doubt that like the ninja thing anyway may mga "Names.... Age..... Address...." pa kasing hinihingi which would be fake.

Me: I'm sorry ***** that your uncle is a total lunatic! Your dad was very angry with me for doing that to you guys. lol. Si *****(other nephew) nga pala, he was the one who refused to take karate lessons because he wanted to learn ninjutsu from me. Haha! Muntik na ako sapakin ni Kuya ****. :D Happy times.

Nephew: I think he was angry since we wanted to go up the mountain that was visible in tingloy which on the peak had 2 stones and a wood in between WHICH WAS A WELL. Not a man on the verge of dying for saving the world.

Me: Oo nga ano? Another lunatic moment courtesy of yours truly. Nyahahaha... I loved talking to you guys when you were little. So innocent and... gullible! :D

Niece: Oh how innocent we were back then. :D
But now, I know what real ninjas are. :0

Nephew: Di ko kayang makalimutan yung "Man on top of the mountain trying to save the world" kasi naging tactician ako ng plano nun. I didn't believe Tito was a ninja, I doubted. BUT that instance was when I was gullible.

Me: Yeah right *****. Pero pag may mumu na, paniwala ka na ninja nga ako so I can protect you all! Hahahaha...

Nephew: I only said that so you would protect us even if I didn't believe you! hahaha!

Niece: Gosh, I still remember how I used to want to become a waitress back then and asking what's the spelling of "shake". And then believing that tito ***** was a ninja in disguise and that I should brag about it. xD

Me: Ano na nga ba name restaurant mo ****?


Friday, July 9, 2010

But here’s what I do know

Spare yourself the grief. Knowing that your anniversary, monthsary, Valentine’s Day, and yes even Christmas (to some degree) are all made up holidays invented by Hallmark, is no excuse. Spend for the flowers. Buy dinner.

And oh, if you have to tell her to lose weight, take my word for it and don’t! If nothing else, you will thank me for that one piece of advice. It is alright for Oprah to do it, not you the significant other. Trust me.

But what if she is not into Oprah?

There is a more tactful way to achieve your goal. And by tactful, I mean deceitful. Yes, we, men, must employ every tool in our arsenal.

Here’s what you do, you get her to meet with her old chums. Girlfriends she’s known since high school. As sure as snowbirds fly south for the winter, they’ll be the ones who will do the dirty work for you. And after they’ve spared no hyperboles in describing her flab, you get to play the understanding, above-it-all, ultra-supportive partner.

And by the way 

It’s “fairness” not “equality” that women want. The feminazis are just too stupid to recognize the fine distinction between the two terms. I’m all for fairness. Fair is fair. But equality? What? Do we now start installing urinals in women’s comfort rooms? Men and women are different. Live with it.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Are you like me? Are you having problems with your Facebook too? I lost almost 1 million in Zynga poker chips yesterday because I kept getting booted out. I had pocket aces, 500+ K chips all in, got three to go to the river with me, another ace on the turn, and I got booted out. I think I know why. See the graphic from facebook itself, this was not photoshopped in any way (except cropped to fit).

See? Facebook does not even go to the Philippines according to their own graphic. Well, now you know.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I'm quitting my job tomorrow. For finally, it happened. And I didn't even need to buy a ticket. Imagine that! All this time, I've been wasting my money on lotto tickets when all I needed to do was register a new email address. Look at what I got on my inbox.

Yes people, I am now a millionaire! And not just a Philippine peso millionaire, but a British pounds millionaire. How much is the exchange rate again? At any rate, this is just perfect. I can now also help that daughter of a Nigerian government official who got imprisoned and can not get his untold sums of money out of that godforsaken country of theirs. I get a substantial cut of course. That's more money in the bank I tellsya. I must be the luckiest guy in the world!

Excuse me now as I write my resignation email to my boss. Haha!

Monday, July 5, 2010


It is not that Gloria would have no shame selling her revisionist herstory. No, that does not shock anymore. Having endured nine years of bold-faced lies, this is no longer new. What is shocking is that she did not go all the way. Gaddemit Gloria! If you are going to cheat, cheat very well. And if you are going to lie, hire a better writer.

This is my version of herstory:

December 30, 2002, Rizal Day. President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, moved by her sense of selfless servitude to the Filipino people, announces with finality that she will not run for the presidency. Not even while that remains a legal option and those close to her swears she will win. But no, Gloria Macapal-Arroyo, realizes that her mere presence at the palace, given how she came to power, is the one divisive issue that hinders the nation's moving forward. There are over 80 million Filipinos, she reasons. Surely, one among them, and not me, can be a better president, if only because that means a fresh start for all of us. 

The announcement was met with thunderous applause, not just from the press people gathered for the announcement, but all over the archipelago for the next few months leading to the elections. The Filipino people appreciated the ultimate show of statesmanship. 

In her final State of the Nation address, Gloria Macapal-Arroyo, promised that her final year as president will be dedicated to ensuring a smooth transition of power via honest, credible, and clean elections.

And so it came to pass, backed by the administration, Manny Villar would become president in 2004. His would be a boring presidency. And boring, of course, meant a smooth uneventful presidency. The biggest scandal that would rock his presidency was the rumored love-affair of his daughter to Willie Revillame, which as it turned out, was untrue.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Fourth of July

Today is the fourth of July, a regular normal day. But not back when we were still a Commonwealth of the United States. Yes kids, there was a time when the Philippines actually celebrated the Fourth of July as our Independence Day. It was a time when Filipinos also sang the Star Spangled Banner in school as our national anthem. 

After we were granted independence, the fourth of July was briefly relegated to "Fil-Am Friendship Day". I am not too sure right now which president did that (kiss ass). But that is now moot as no one gives a hoot about that anymore.

So today is a just any other day of the year. Except for the few idiots who also celebrate Halloween and/or Thanksgiving (Filipinos shouldn't do that! wtf?!). Too much Hollywood, I guess.

But today, for me and my family, it is not just any other day. And it is not because of Hollywood. My mom (RIP) was born on the fourth of July. Happy Birthday mom!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

And we shall go for it

I carry around dart pins just about wherever I go, even if the chances of a pick-up dart game is close to nil. It is part of my commitment to the sport where I shall become world champion, or die trying.

It was about a year ago, when my work partner and I decided to go for it. I am nearing forty, and he, not too far behind. So no more excuses. We have been coasting along in life, doing the job-thing, paying the bills, and all the other necessary stuff that life entails, which was just fine. We were young. There was room enough in the future for all the other things we want to do.

But last year, was the year when we decided to take stock of our lives. We decided to go after all the things that we wished we could look back in old age and say to ourselves "Yeah, I did that!" We were young enough still, but this may be our last realistic chance.

And so began our serious training. We bought the necessary equipment, dart board and dart pins and quickly set it up in our housing unit, where we spend at least three days a week. That’s four hours north of Manila near the jobsite where we were tasked to maintain high-tech equipment.

I had an old set myself, having played the game 12 years previously. I've won a championship in the only tournament I've entered, in fact, but that was at the inter-barangay level and the game was killers. We were aiming for more. We were going to train for the international game of 501, and we were going to go after a national tournament title at first, a world title next.

My partner was really good -- for a complete beginner. I teased him that he will not win one game against me, for at least a year. He won one game in three months, and a best-of-five in six. This is a big deal. I've had a few regular opponents that have not won one single game against me -- forever.

And so the training continued as planned. We were shooting 180s, that’s a perfect 3 dart pins in triple 20, maybe once every two weeks. 140s come by more regularly, at least once every other game. And 100s and 120s are no big deal.

We download international dart tournaments videos from youtube, and we study that intently. And from these videos, we realize, we have ways to go still. We are nowhere near making a perfect 9-pin-finish. My best is still stuck at 14, highest check-out at 140 (that's triple 20, double 20, double 20).

But our task is not completely hopeless. And our quick progress gave us much confidence. This is essential. You cannot check-out a double anything from seven feet nine and one quarter inch away from a target half an inch wide without believing in yourself. You believe, or you miss. And the game is unforgiving. No such thing as a near-miss in 501. A miss is a miss, a hit a hit.

When throwing a dart pin, you commit yourself fully to the process. Nothing else matters. Not even the previous throw or the throw after that. What matters is the moment -- the throw at hand. You empty yourself. No self-doubt.

Then came the big day when we decided that it was time to get ourselves wet and just go ahead and jump right in at the deep-end of the pool. A national darts tournament was one weekend away, the third leg of five for the year.

Our expectations were realistic. We were unrated, and it was our first real tournament. The big guns of Philippine darts were going to be there, except for the number one, Lourence Ilagan, who was away competing in the world tournaments.

And so we entered the tournament thinking it is a nice chance to get some experience notched onto our belts. And the competition format, at least, was friendly to newcomers like us. Doubles blind draw. Rated players will be blindly partnered to unrated players. It was the perfect chance to scout the field and get a feel of the real thing.

But to our dismay, even before the tournament started, we found ourselves in a pickle. The dart boards were two inches too far! We had wrongly measured our seven feet nine and one quarter inches from the back of the board and not the face. This boo-boo would cost us.

I was partnered with Allen Macalino, ranked somewhere in the top 16 nationally. He would carry our team to two victories in the winners' bracket, and one in the losers'. Not bad for a first-timer. My personal performance, however, was a bit of a disappointment. The two inch error, all the noise, the waiting, and the first-tournament-jitters all hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't even make 100. Best made was 85. Busted once on check-out 80 even as I had tripled 20 on the first pin! But made up for it by checking out 19 with a single 3, double 8.

“Surely we will do better the next time around,” we salved our wounded egos. If nothing else, we will be better prepared.

And so quickly, upon our return to our housing unit, we corrected the two-inch error, and worked on our check-out skills. We made 140s and 120s like it was getting out style. We were serious about doing better the next tournament, two weeks ahead.

But alas, typhoon Ondoy would wash out the next leg of the tournament calendar. Marikina suffered major damage and thoughtfully the organizers decided to donate the cash-prize to the relief effort.

That’s okay. There are always other tournaments. And the reprieve gave us more time to prepare. And nothing like the present to start preparing.

However, one week being in stuck in Metro Manila with no practice and rust has ruined our darting arms. We were shooting 20s and 40s all morning.

As we were struggling to shake the rust off, a body builder was on TV promoting an upcoming competition. My partner kidded, we should just enter that and forget darts altogether. I quickly made 100, a perfect 180 two turns after, and checked-out double 12 on the very next pin.

No way am I going to suffer the embarrassment of signing up for a body building competition, even as my partner pressed his point by explaining, “Langis lang yan kaya mukhang malaki ang katawan.” He would have been more convincing if his belly didn't stick out too much.

Of course he was just kidding. The sheer foolishness of any of the two of us becoming body builders is completely and utterly beyond brainless. Trust me, it is.

And so we shall continue on with darts. We shall go for it. No excuses, no fear of failure, no regrets. If we have to go down, we shall go down kicking and screaming, both arms flailing. And it is not just darts. It shall be, in everything else in life that we do.

That, for me, includes writing again, my single passion in life, and sharing that to the world.

Friday, July 2, 2010


I was watching Umagang Kay Ganda the other day, Doland Castro had a report about a robbery that happened on an internet cafe late evening somewhere in Quezon City. The crime was witnessed by high school students who were doing their homework, according to the report. I don't know about Mr. Castro, but I figure, this is the perfect instance where the required word "allegedly" ought to have been used. 

The incident was witnessed by high school students who were "allegedly" doing their homework. 

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Here’s how you know

It’s the great age-old question, how do you know you are in love?

Your father, your kuya, or maybe that drunk on the street corner you kid yourself to be all too wise might have given you this answer, “You’ll know when it happens.” Not only that that does not help it is a total cop-out. I may not be Shakespeare, but I am no cop-out.

Here’s how you know.

One, you are willing to dumb down my jokes so she gets it. You find it endearing that she will never get the joke “hanggang lower meniscus lang ang tagay”.

Two, you laugh at her own dumb jokes. Even the text passed-on kind. And you honestly find it funny.

But funniest of all, any question slightly resembling science would get the standard answer “because of the gravity of the earth.”

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For the few of you who know me in real life, my dear kamag-anak inc., and friends from my Facebook account, please know that while I blog mostly about my life and my posts are made in the first person point of view, I do, from time to time, exercise literary license. Yes, I lie! Lol. No. Some of the stories depicted here are fiction. That I do not tell which is which, makes it a little more fun, doesn't it?

No animals were harmed in the production of this blog. Parental guidance is advised. And no approved therapeutic claims. Hindi ito gamot.


Mungo Conspiracy would like to thank:

Kuya Bing for all the support without which I would not have been able to start this blog. My baby sister Charo, who has always been my number one fan. Gie for twisting Kuya Bing's arms to lend me support. Rocky for being the first follower. Chris for the free ad space on MTC.

I would also like to mention Kuya Jong and Kuya Rolly, Rex, Kim, and all of my pumpkins, Dustin, Innah, Jonas, Danwell, Glea, Jiro, Ram, Yzab, Hannah, and Annika, who are my inspirations for many of my stories here.

And thanks to the Iligan Chapter of the conspirators who were the first to fill-up my followers' box! :)


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