Rules of thumb

I try not to be judgmental, give people a chance, and not let first impressions become final conclusions. But guess what? Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.


Like, if you know another Led Zeppelin song apart from “Stairway to Heaven”, then you smoked a joint at one time or another.


If you’ve ever had a Britney Spears record, in whatever shape, form, or format, pirate or original (though much sadder if you actually paid full price for it), then your cellphone is way too expensive given your salary.


If you’ve ever attempted to sing an Aegis song in public, then you own at least one shirt a size too small.


If you can name all the members of either F4 or A4, then you just don’t watch ultimate fighting.


If you are a Ginebra basketball team fan, especially during the time of Jawo, then I must really watch it when I play cards with you.


If you’re Pinoy, born and raised, and basketball just doesn’t interest you. Whether it is playing or just even watching the FIBA, the PBA, the NBA, the UAAP, or the NCAA, then you are playing for “the other team.”


If you are always rooting for Pacman to lose, then you are that one sad loser who just has to sing second-voice in an impromptu “Happy Birthday” song.


If you’ve ever declared, whether written or oral, that “the Big Bang theory is true”, unless you have won a Nobel Prize for Physics, then you are a pretentious superficial prick.


If you are rated 8 or over on the universal prettiness scale of 1 to 10, then you will not last 2 months in the video production business. You might last a month, just to spite men. But no, two months is just too long in the trenches to prove the stereotype wrong.


If you like Willie Revillame and regularly watches Wowowee, then you’ve never used the insert table function of Microsoft Word.


If you just don’t like vegetables, not even a little bit, that you need to scrape the coleslaw off your burger, then you still secretly wish mommy would tuck you in at night.


If you’ve ever ordered garlic chicken with the specific instruction “no garlic”, then you think this list is very funny.


If you’ve never read “The Catcher in the Rye”, you will not find me funny.


If you like Jay Leno over David Letterman, then I don’t think I will like you as a person. If you prefer Conan O’Brien, then you are just too young and didn’t know David before senility. But Jay, are you kidding me?