Puh-rang

I get pissed. It’s bad enough that these fools would speak English with a pretentious American twang, but must they also ruin Tagalog the same affected manner? They must be misinformed, and I am correcting the misimpression right here right now, mangling Tagalog does not add anything to your cuteness quotient, on the contrary. 


I can understand of course, if you work in the call-center business, but otherwise, a pretentious accent only goes to show that you are pretentious. And even if you are a call-boy or a call-girl, please keep the American accent to American English. Lay off Tagalog, please.


In fairness to the Filipino accent, we mostly mispronounce words only because we know how to spell it. We are completely literate even when we err. I am guilty of “ayroning” clothes once in a while myself.


I get so pissed sometimes that it has to come to the point that I have to interrupt production meetings just to press the point, “Yes I will do just that, but first you must say PA-RANG, it is not PUH-RANG.”


She must think I am nuts, an old fool who just doesn’t get it. But oh, I get it. She thinks she can bamboozle me with the affectations of her speech. And get the impression she’s intelligent. But as far I am concerned, fake accents does not make one intelligent, the same way drinking Starbucks coffee will not make one all sophisticated and cosmopolitan.


On one production lunch meeting, our account executive kept busy taking notes, while I chatted, seemingly blasé and enjoying the free lunch with the client. These friendly chats, as anyone who has been into one of these meetings before know, is the meeting itself. Specific instructions are given in between orders of drinks and dessert. Pay attention. Don’t miss anything. I know.


Monday morning, when we got back to the office, I immediately started executing the instructions given by the client.


“Wait, puh-rang hindi yan yung visual na gusto ni client.”  Again with the “puh-rang” as if that added anything to the validity of her statement.


“Of course I remember that. Only the client changed her mind again. This is the visual she finally decided on. And please speak English if you are going to speak English, and Tagalog if you are going to speak Tagalog. Don’t Americanize your Tagalog.” 


She showed me her notes. And she was right. The notes did say that the client asked for another specific visual. But I held my ground. I know what I know. 


 There was one simple way to solve the predicament, of course, one phone call to the client and our little debate would be resolved. But that would be extremely embarrassing. That is tantamount to admitting that between the two of us, we cannot remember one thing. I don’t know about my collegiala colleague, but I will not admit to that.


“Tell you what, if can tell you what you ordered for lunch, would you believe my memory over your notes?”


She accepted the deal. The meeting was Friday the previous week, she cannot even recall what she had for lunch yesterday. And we had kept the receipt for liquidation.


“You ordered chicken barbeque, one rice, and special halo-halo for dessert. You complained that there was not enough milk in your halo-halo and asked for more. The waiter knocked over a few plates that were being taken out.” 


The receipt did mention the chicken, rice, and halo-halo. It did not say, however, that she asked for extra milk and the waiter crashing a few plates. 


But my attention to detail has her convinced. I am no longer the old fool that can be bamboozled by pretentious accents or pretentious coffees. No more “puh-rangs”, no more Americanized Tagalog.