Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What's with Love?


photo from here
Has anyone else noticed how Unang Hirit's Love Anover has suddenly become sedate? She used to be this in-your-face irritating bundle of psychotic joy. A little too much adrenaline for the morning traffic news for my taste. But personal preferences aside, what happened? Ah yes, she recently got married, right? And the honeymoon is over... apparently.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Angel's longest relationship


photo from here


Anyone else find it pathetic that Angel Locsin's longest relationship has been to her shampoo? The thought never even entered my mind. That is until she came up with the new shampoo commercial. Five years! Yeah that's a long time. But Angel, shampoos do not count! Try that with a boyfriend. What? Tonight, you are having a 5th anniversary dinner celebration with a bottle of your shampoo?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Nothing new today



Doing this from a net cafe as Globe is now totally down. That means I have been practically incommunicado for the last 14 hours or so (since the meeting with a client yesterday). I just gave my commitment to a new project that requires me to have reliable internet access that will allow me to download in the gigabytes region. Globe is definitely not it.


Aside from that, no blog update today. Blame Globe. 


-----------------


Hey. I just noticed, I am the 4,000th visitor to my own blog. Lol.

Friday, August 27, 2010

New from Globe!



Your daily conspiracy blog update was brought you by Globe's new error message. See above graphic. First time to get that. End result is the same, I can not register for SuperSurf. But at least, Globe entertains you with their new and innovative ways to FAIL. 

Thursday, August 26, 2010

"Poker"



So, Zynga poker is not your thing? Can't break the 1 million barrier even after 1 year of trying? Well, Facebook has a new offering for you. It's like Farmville only with cards. You get to play "poker" without the fear of losing (see ad above). That's right folks, no more frustrations, no more battling the ugly bingo players. You're guaranteed not to lose.

Sadly, it's not for me since I only play poker to crush the hopes and dreams of other players. If I can't beat them (since they can not lose), I just don't see the fun in that. But that's only because I'm a mean person deep down inside.

But for the rest of you good folks, this might be the game for you. So stop begging for chips in Zynga and just play Loserville.
Sorry I can't paste the link here for you to register. The thing wants me to register before I can access their site. And I'm not about to do that -- ever. Just google it people.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

STFU ABS-CBN


You read that right. Just shut the fuck up.

As I am out of town since Monday evening, I can only watch the news from ABS-CBN. On last night's edition, a full segment of around 5 minutes or more was devoted to a feature on how responsible ABS-CBN was in handling the hostage crisis. Yeah right, responsible. And while you're at it, why not throw a few self congratulatory phrases right in there. 

No. No. ABS-CBN, you don't get to wash your hands off on this one. Airing live what could have possibly triggered the rampage of that madman is NOT RESPONSIBLE in any book. And this type of tabloid journalism is not exactly new to you. Just a few weeks ago, you were even airing the "martyrdom" of that carnapping a-hole and his akyat-bahay buddy. That too was responsible?

But lo and behold, just this morning, the infallible Karen Davila was grilling DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo on the poor tactics employed by the PNP. Alright fair enough. Monday morning quarterbacking is what journalists do, after all.

But let me ask, what did ABS-CBN do? Did you help or did you aggravate the situation? Ask that and let us see you answer. And one more thing, isn't Madame Zeva under your employ? Why didn't she predict this would happen? What? She's a fake? She is not really a psychic? So why does she get a full segment every morning -- on a NEWS PROGRAM? What the fuck ABS-CBN?

One saving grace, this morning on Umagang Kay Ganda, Anthony Taberna at least acknowledged that media should take part of the blame on this one. "Walang hugas kamay." Now that is responsible journalism.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Heartbreaking news


printed screen from here

I did not, in any way, photoshop that box caption from the Inquirer.net except to crop out the other parts of the page. Otherwise, that is exactly how it appeared on the breaking news page of the online edition of the Inquirer early afternoon yesterday. I'm sure they've updated the thing by now.


Way to go Inquirer! You didn't miss the facts... by much. Hongkong Nationals do look like South Koreans. No difference at all. And who cares, right? Wait... is that another news altogether? If so, what's going on at the bottom of the box? That's related news? Here's a suggestion, STOP hiring comedians to do the serious news. It's not funny. I'm just saying... 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Zynga poker champion




Google-search "images" with the keywords "zynga poker champion" and the result above is what you will find. Yes, people! As far as Mr. Google himself is concerned, I have enough Zynga poker creds to be on the top row, second from the left. Haha.


I checked my analytics and found that I got hits because of that. I hope I didn't disappoint too much. They were probably looking for tips on how to win the shootouts. Sorry, I am not about to give my secrets away. 


But hey, let me paint in broad strokes how I won the shootout three times in one month. Let me be clear, this is not a "how to", this is a "how I did it". So don't you poker players start telling me you are a far better player or my tips suck. I won three times. And this is how I played it. Fair enough?


1. Fold on the first betting round of the first round. If you've been playing shootouts, you know what I mean. If you do not know how to win heads-up with 1,000 chips versus an opponent with 8,000 chips, you will NOT win the 3rd and final round anyway.


2. Beware of Anna Kournikova. That's AK, or Ace-King. Like the tennis pro herself, she looks nice but hardly ever wins. Go ahead, invest in the blinds but never get too crazy. Don't bet half your chips just because you got Anna Kournikova or any combination of an ace and a face card. Wait for the flop.


3. Never re-raise. Call if you have the cards. Only re-raise on the river when you know for sure you have the best hand. Re-raising with the best hand might make a weaker opponent fold (thus you lose the chance of winning more chips). It's not how many hands you win, it's how much you win in a hand. I can make the top three by winning as little as 10 hands. It's only in the final heads-up that you need to win more hands (generally speaking, you can still win it all with just a hand or two)


4. Play tight in the first few betting rounds. Let the competition thin-out by themselves. 


5. Know when to bet pot. I usually do this when I flopped high pair and my cards have little chance of improving. If I get re-raised, I fold. But I slow play my hand when I flopped high pair and my other card is higher or I have straight or flush draws. 


6. Do NOT steal pots unless you are the big stack bully. Trust me, you are not going to get away with it. Play big stack bully only when you have the chips.


7. Do not bluff until you've established your pattern. Let the table know that you are the ultra-tight player. In the latter part of the game, that's the time to bluff (if you must).


8. Never call a bluff even if you know it's a bluff, if you do not have the cards for it.


9. Sometimes you just have to "call it to see it". But do not lose too much -- but hey, sometimes you just have to keep your opponents honest.


10. Do not be an a-hole in the chat box. The table will gang up on you. You will not get away with anything. And anyway, it's only a friendly game after all.  You can not buy a McDonald's Happy Meal with your Zynga chips.


Hey, got other tips? Share it on the comments. :)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

To my BB Jean


Cartoon avatar of my BB Jean I made at osoq.com

Everyday I pray and thank the Lord for this life He has given me. I know now my life is blessed. And I am sorry I ever doubted Him. In the times when my whole world seemed ready to completely collapse around me, I can only pray and ask Him "why?" 

You, my love, are the Lord's answer. I know my life is blessed for I have you.

Happy birthday my BB Jean.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

kCat


click here to access kCat's blog

My dear fellow conspirators, please click on the link/caption above to access kCat's blog (or the link on the "conspirators' blogs"). Read her story (on "About Me") and know the reason why. And if you have a blog of your own, I urge you to add her blog as one of the blogs you follow. You might want to create one entry like this too. Thanks.



Friday, August 20, 2010

Is punks finally dead?


Graphic copied from here.

There was a time, believe it or not, when the declaration on the graphic above was a fairly common sight in Metro Manila. Enough that it was a minor nuisance, like jejemons are right now, I suppose. From t-shirt prints, to vandalisms on walls, to fake tattoos on prepubescent punkistas. Never mind that the declaration was total nonsense. It was popular. And so just about every lemming youth who wanted to be different -- like his peers, rode on the bandwagon. I wonder if these people ever learned the meaning of "irony"? 

Where are they now? Did they grow up to become the guy whose job is to call passengers to fill up jeepneys? Did any of these punkistas ever make it as a bank executive? Are there call center agents now who ever wore a "punks not dead" t-shirt?

I have not seen a t-shirt, a vandalism, or a fake "punks not dead" tattoo in years. Is punks finally dead? Is it safe to declare that here now? Alright. Let me go out on a limb then.


Punks dead


And one can only hope that jejemons would soon follow suit. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The struggle continues










Finally at midnight, the friggin thing worked and I am able to upload this. Globe should have just told us, the consumers, that SuperSurf is a midnight to dawn kinda deal.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I dislike you


Warning guys, the "dislike" button now spreading on Facebook is actually a malware. Do not subscribe/install it. That said, I have to give it to these guys. That was a really good idea! Facebook should pick it up. Yep, I myself would want a "dislike" button. What's the matter with Facebook that all it gives us is the "like" button? What if I don't like someone's update? "Just chillin out in Starbucks downloading Justin Bieber videos".  I have to like even that? Just between you and me, I'm on auto-ignore mode on most of my FB "friends". I just don't have the heart to "un-friend" someone.  So just give me another option Facebook. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you also give us the "invisible" option? I hate it when someone becomes chatty when I'm on the third and final round of the shootout in Zynga poker.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Ano ba talaga?





For 24 hrs I was unable to register for Globe's SuperSurf50 24 hour unlimited service. Read the conflicting messages above. 

Hey you, Globe suit who does not know anything about programming, that is simply a coding error. Some genius in your IT department screwed up. Fix the bug, please! Your product works well when it works. Though not this past few days. I lost 2 million Zynga chips because of your fluctuating signal. Five times, at least, I got booted out when I already made the final three in the Sit N Go. Good thing Zynga chips are not real.

And oh yeah, your customer service is totally useless. Why even bother with it? Save yourselves from paying their salaries and us customers from hoping that they will actually help us. Oh, there is always another option of course. Get some people who can actually help.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Bros before hos



The rule: 


There are many variations and interpretations to the rule. Originally what the rule was, was that no woman should get in the way of real friendship between men. I am not too concerned with this interpretation. I think it is a little juvenile. Men who insist on this interpretation should grow up a little more, you think?


What this blog post focuses on is the other variation of the rule, that a real man should give way to the romantic aspirations of a bro. That no two bros should go after one ho at the same time. Alright fine. Even as I believe that all is fair in love and war, I believe this is practical. So ok, I'm in.


Clarifications and Proposed Amendments:


Before I move on further, I think we need to clarify some points. Foremost of which is, you need to be a bro before the rule applies. Calling first dibs on some hot chick is not enough.  Some casual acquaintance actually called first dibs on me on the hot new waitress of a restobar I frequented. I can only smile in response. What the hey? Are we even friends? So no. The hot new waitress became my GF in about a month. You know what? The guy, drunk, confronted me. I responded, matter of factly, "What are you going to do about it?"  I was ready to go UFC on the poor moron. Thankfully, cooler heads intervened and dragged the guy to a backroom so he can sleep off his beer muscles.


So ok, we are bros. You called first dibs. I will respect that. Even if I really like the chick, and I think I have a legitimate shot. But let me put in black in white my interpretation and some proposed amendments so there are no confusions.


1. Lifespan. You called first dibs. You get first shot. But a legitimate shot takes ONE MONTH. After that, any bro can go for it. You can not hold your claim in perpetuity. If you crash and burn, be a man and take it on the chin. And don't stand in the way of another bro to go for it.


2. Currents and exes. A bro will never go after your girl, current or ex. This rule applies in perpetuity. But she has to have been a legitimate GF. If you dated a few times but was never able to seal the deal (if you know what I mean), this rule does not apply. See Rule #1.


3. Relatives. Family within the fifth degree of consanguinity is off limits to a bro. Should a bro violate this rule, he'd better be prepared to marry the ho. 


4. Secrecy. A bro will never tell on his bro. Whatever story he tells, he will support. If a wife/gf asks a bro for info on his man, a bro, if he does not know the story his bro is selling, at the very least, will say he doesn't know or can't remember. If it is the ho who asks for the background info, a bro will answer, "Why don't you ask him?" Violators of this rule should hand in their testicles. In fact, this rule is so important, that even non-bros should adhere to this. Being a MALE of the species is enough reason to adhere to this rule.


5. Support. While in the presence of a ho, a bro will play Robin to a bro's Batman for as long as he owns the claim (see Rule #1). This can come in the form of moral support, logistics, or counter-intelligence. A bro will offer the spare room to his pad (if he has one), give good advice, and make the ho believe that the bro holds the leadership status in your group even if he just the errand boy. A bro should never punk a bro while he is in attack mode. And will make himself scarce whenever he becomes a third wheel. A good wingman should always know when to do this.


6. After the burn. A bro is allowed to cry in his beer ONE TIME after he is burned by a ho. The entire group will listen to his sob story for one night, preferably where there is "entertainment". Once a rejected bro has burned his one-time-card, the gang is free to ridicule the guy if ever he brings up the subject again.


7. After the kill. A bro is allowed to gloat about his success ONE TIME. Spare no details if there are "interesting highlights". Interesting highlights, in fact, are allowed with each and every NEW episode. But absolutely NO mushy stuff. And oh yeah, he should be buying beer. 


8. Storytelling. Spare a bro the details on what she said on her love note and what you said in yours. We are NOT interested in those details. Why are we even bros if you do not know that all I am interested in is the "action" part of the love story.


9. Wingman not necessary. If she is already your girlfriend, please spare a bro from enduring your romantic dates, even if that bro happens to have been your wingman throughout. No one likes to be the third wheel. A legitimate barkada gimmick should consist of at least 4 people. 


10. Return the favor. If you are able to close the deal, a bro should quickly find out if she has an available cute sister or barkada and make referrals.

-------------------
BTW, I am practically married (and happy) and no longer in the hunt. I only did this for the benefit the next generation of bros. For lack of clarifications, I've been burned by the rule you see.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Ancient corruption


photo taken from here


Filipinos did not invent corruption in government. No sir. We learned that from the Europeans. And I believe England unearthed the first evidence of corruption in government -- Stonehenge (estimated to have been built around 3000 BC). 


To this day, Mr. Harvard is still arguing with Mr. Oxford what the structure is all about. Of course we know better. Stonehenge? That's ancient England's NAIA Terminal 3 that never got completed. What was supposed to be a modern coliseum when completed never went beyond the initial stages of construction as funding never carried through the change in administrations. Corruption charges, I imagine, were filed with their version of the Ombuds(wo)man. But because she was appointed by the previous administration, no one suffered for it -- except the contractor who never got paid.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Going blind



Girl gets abducted in a mall. Robbers strike a bank in the middle of the day.


What's wrong with these news items? 


Since when did legitimate frontpage news material become blind items? What's going on here? Why can't ABS-CBN and GMA say SM Megamall or BPI anymore? 


What's with all the secrecy?


Alright, I can understand if they refuse to mention Nike when they air a Lebron James interview (if Nike is not paying for the airtime), and would even make the extra effort of blurring out the Nike logo in the background. But believe me ABS-CBN and GMA, you are not advertising Megamall and/or BPI by telling us they got robbed or that a kid was abducted in their premises.


Last time I checked, the people had the RIGHT TO INFORMATION. And a whole lot of journalists are willing to literally die for that. But as far as GMA and ABS-CBN managements are concerned, MONEY outweighs everything. 


Ok fine, just don't shovel us the crap about journalistic integrity when you can't even fucking say Megamall anymore. 

----------------


Caveat : I am not sure whether that is really Megamall or BPI, since the news just said "mall" and "bank". Which is exactly my point.

----------------
Hey, this is my 100th entry! :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Not the usual commute


When my job takes me out of town, this is the usual scenery that greets me. Yes, I hate my life. If only because I so much prefer the traffic and smog of Metro Manila.

Sunrise viewed from the national highway,
San Felipe, Zambales.



Sunset viewed from the beach, Bgy Sto. Nino,
San Felipe, Zambales.
 

What?!




According to Facebook's recommended pages, 8 of my friends like Kris Aquino-Yap. Alright people, just go ahead and admit it right now. No one needs to get hurt. Or do I really have to hunt you down? There is no way I can be friends with people who like Kris Aquino-Yap. Not even FB friends.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Expedite



"US to expedite remaining 4,832 claims of RP war veteran"

I copy-pasted that from the Inquirer.net. I don't know who wrote that, but "expedite" is not exactly the word I would have chosen. "Pinoy WW II vets will finally get paid" would have been my choice. Expedite? Sixty years of waiting is still "expedite"? Most of these vets are already six feet under. Go tell them it will finally be "expedited". Oh wait, they are no longer beneficiaries (nor their dependents). 

Monday, August 9, 2010

Fringe benefits


I always have a bag ready and packed with a week's worth of clothes. That is because my job requires me to travel out of town on a moments' notice. It is hard and sometimes it gets to me. But as fringe benefits go, how's this for a view? Fernando Amorsolo himself couldn't have painted a better picture.

San Narciso, Zambales

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Pangarap


So, President Noynoy Aquino has finally taken official residence at the Bahay Pangarap. Former guest house close to the PSG quarters and technically, still within the Malacanang compound. Here's hoping that that is not all what Noynoy meant when he said "pwede na ulet mangarap".


In another unrelated news, PNoy has fired the official astrologer -- err, meteorologist at the PAGASA, for predicting the weather oh so wrong. Here's a tip for the next PAGASA head, subscribe to cable and turn on to CNN. Problem solved.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Chowking


On the ride back home yesterday, I saw on one of those humongous billboards lining up the NLEX, an advertisement for Chowking's new product, tender beef broccoli. Maybe I was just hungry on the very long ride yesterday, or maybe the picture was just really shot well, but when I tried it out for lunch half an hour ago, my great expectations for the new product was definitely not met. It was, ahmm, just ok. No big deal. 


It was palatable, don't get me wrong. But the picture on the billboard promised me nothing less than total happiness. My hunger was sated, my curiosity was answered, but my expectations, unfulfilled.


The meal in fact reminded me of an argument I once had with Chowking's crew on account of the picture of their pancit canton not meeting reality! The fools must've ordered one pancit from Max's and shot the picture as their own. Haha. Remember those? They are not doing that anymore. But something about the new billboard. I am not too sure what. It spoke to me. Correct that... lied to me.


On another note, what's the deal with Chowking counter girls always needing your name? Is it not enough that they give you one of those plastic numbers? What's the deal with that? Curious as I am, I've never bothered to ask. I just always use a fake name. I am Alex (Sarmenta, first cousin of Romnick, lol!).

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Dengue



Paging the Department of Health. Stop harrassing PNoy on his smoking habit and start paying attention to what's really threatening the health of the people -- DENGUE! It's the rainy season again, and I am sure, thousands will again be stricken with this terrible affliction. What are you fools doing about it? Going on TV announcing for the nth time what we already know? Yeah, that's very useful. Great job. You people deserve to be in government.

If I may suggest a pro-active approach to solving the problem. A scientific solution to the problem (for once). So ok, what do we know about the disease? It is caused by mosquito bites. Not just any mosquito but a particular mosquito. What do we know about this mosquito? It lays its eggs on still and clean water. So there you go. Take one element out of the equation, then you've got the problem solved. The DoH has already tried removing the water out of the equation. Was it successful? No. So that's not it. So I propose to take the "clean" out of the equation. To end the menace of dengue, I say we pollute the country some more. No clean water, no dengue. Problem solved.

No need to thank me people. I am just doing my civic duty!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Thank you



Because I never really paid attention to it, not even with all the scantily clad girls dancing beerhouse style, I just found out now that Wowowee is dead and that Willie Revillame is out of a job. Alright! The wheels of justice is really grinding in the PNoy administration. I don't care about the details, people. Please just tell me where to send the thank you note.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Tired



Long day. I am tired (and handsome). Too tired to even celebrate properly my 3,000th visitor (according to sitemeter) which happened today. Here's a lame "yipee!" 


I hope to come up with a better blog update tomorrow. :)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Remembering Cory






I had recently discovered on youtube, Ninoy Aquino's speech in Los Angeles, delivered 2 years before he embarked on that fateful last journey. That got me thinking, do kids too young to have watched the bootleg version of that on betamax even understand what that video really means? The entire speech is uploaded over the internet (competing for attention against the viral videos of "blowjob girl" and the like) so I don't mean that in the literal sense. What I mean is, do kids today understand the historical context of that video? That that video, at the time, was subversive material? That to get caught with a copy of that can land you in jail? No possibility of bail, not even a trial. That was how it was. That was Martial Law.


I was born in the eye of the First Quarter Storm. I had known no other president other than Marcos and have never even heard Ninoy Aquino speak. So when Ninoy got shot at the airport, I didn't really know what to think of it. He was a politician, a soldier fighting his war against a bigger badder opponent. Maybe he deserved to get shot, as the Marcos propagandists in the one hundred percent controlled media kept on pushing. It was easy for me to accept the notion. 


That is until I heard Cory. Here was Ninoy's widow who had done nothing wrong. Her husband was murdered, and for what? So that Marcos can keep being president? She didn't deserve that. And so, I wept, not for Ninoy, but for Cory. I wanted justice, not for Ninoy, but for his poor widow.


Hers was the innocent voice that would ring out over and above all the din of the Marcos lies. She spoke, on Radyo Bandido (Veritas) simply and softly, her truth. You know how it is now how the entire country stops whenever Manny Pacquiao fights? That is how it was whenever Cory spoke. The country's thirst for the truth would not be quenched.  


And so I marched. Not for Ninoy, but for Cory. Again, let me explain the historical context of that. To march for Cory is to risk getting truncheoned, teargassed, water cannoned, or worse getting abducted never to be seen again. And the Marcos regime saw to it, that every now and then, one or two would get abducted, tortured, then brutally murdered to keep the fear real. I was just fifteen. And many times, I found my courage faltering. But I have to remind myself, on the frontlines, always, was this frail old man willing to take on all that Marcos had to give and more. His name, Don Chino Roces. 


If all you've done is to march in political rallies after democracy has been restored then you will never understand. To march for Cory was to believe in something. Believe it enough to be willing to literally die for that something. It was a time for courage. A time for hope. It was a beautiful time to be young.


Remembering Cory is remembering a time when the Filipino was indeed worth dying for.

Popular Posts

First time here?

I hope you've liked what you read on the front page. But my blog is best appreciated read from the first post moving on to the more recent posts. Please do make use of the blog archive and enjoy.

Blog Archive

Advisory

For the few of you who know me in real life, my dear kamag-anak inc., and friends from my Facebook account, please know that while I blog mostly about my life and my posts are made in the first person point of view, I do, from time to time, exercise literary license. Yes, I lie! Lol. No. Some of the stories depicted here are fiction. That I do not tell which is which, makes it a little more fun, doesn't it?

No animals were harmed in the production of this blog. Parental guidance is advised. And no approved therapeutic claims. Hindi ito gamot.

------------------


Mungo Conspiracy would like to thank:

Kuya Bing for all the support without which I would not have been able to start this blog. My baby sister Charo, who has always been my number one fan. Gie for twisting Kuya Bing's arms to lend me support. Rocky for being the first follower. Chris for the free ad space on MTC.

I would also like to mention Kuya Jong and Kuya Rolly, Rex, Kim, and all of my pumpkins, Dustin, Innah, Jonas, Danwell, Glea, Jiro, Ram, Yzab, Hannah, and Annika, who are my inspirations for many of my stories here.

And thanks to the Iligan Chapter of the conspirators who were the first to fill-up my followers' box! :)

------------------

email : mungoconspiracy@gmail.com