Bros before hos

The rule: 


There are many variations and interpretations to the rule. Originally what the rule was, was that no woman should get in the way of real friendship between men. I am not too concerned with this interpretation. I think it is a little juvenile. Men who insist on this interpretation should grow up a little more, you think?


What this blog post focuses on is the other variation of the rule, that a real man should give way to the romantic aspirations of a bro. That no two bros should go after one ho at the same time. Alright fine. Even as I believe that all is fair in love and war, I believe this is practical. So ok, I'm in.


Clarifications and Proposed Amendments:


Before I move on further, I think we need to clarify some points. Foremost of which is, you need to be a bro before the rule applies. Calling first dibs on some hot chick is not enough.  Some casual acquaintance actually called first dibs on me on the hot new waitress of a restobar I frequented. I can only smile in response. What the hey? Are we even friends? So no. The hot new waitress became my GF in about a month. You know what? The guy, drunk, confronted me. I responded, matter of factly, "What are you going to do about it?"  I was ready to go UFC on the poor moron. Thankfully, cooler heads intervened and dragged the guy to a backroom so he can sleep off his beer muscles.


So ok, we are bros. You called first dibs. I will respect that. Even if I really like the chick, and I think I have a legitimate shot. But let me put in black in white my interpretation and some proposed amendments so there are no confusions.


1. Lifespan. You called first dibs. You get first shot. But a legitimate shot takes ONE MONTH. After that, any bro can go for it. You can not hold your claim in perpetuity. If you crash and burn, be a man and take it on the chin. And don't stand in the way of another bro to go for it.


2. Currents and exes. A bro will never go after your girl, current or ex. This rule applies in perpetuity. But she has to have been a legitimate GF. If you dated a few times but was never able to seal the deal (if you know what I mean), this rule does not apply. See Rule #1.


3. Relatives. Family within the fifth degree of consanguinity is off limits to a bro. Should a bro violate this rule, he'd better be prepared to marry the ho. 


4. Secrecy. A bro will never tell on his bro. Whatever story he tells, he will support. If a wife/gf asks a bro for info on his man, a bro, if he does not know the story his bro is selling, at the very least, will say he doesn't know or can't remember. If it is the ho who asks for the background info, a bro will answer, "Why don't you ask him?" Violators of this rule should hand in their testicles. In fact, this rule is so important, that even non-bros should adhere to this. Being a MALE of the species is enough reason to adhere to this rule.


5. Support. While in the presence of a ho, a bro will play Robin to a bro's Batman for as long as he owns the claim (see Rule #1). This can come in the form of moral support, logistics, or counter-intelligence. A bro will offer the spare room to his pad (if he has one), give good advice, and make the ho believe that the bro holds the leadership status in your group even if he just the errand boy. A bro should never punk a bro while he is in attack mode. And will make himself scarce whenever he becomes a third wheel. A good wingman should always know when to do this.


6. After the burn. A bro is allowed to cry in his beer ONE TIME after he is burned by a ho. The entire group will listen to his sob story for one night, preferably where there is "entertainment". Once a rejected bro has burned his one-time-card, the gang is free to ridicule the guy if ever he brings up the subject again.


7. After the kill. A bro is allowed to gloat about his success ONE TIME. Spare no details if there are "interesting highlights". Interesting highlights, in fact, are allowed with each and every NEW episode. But absolutely NO mushy stuff. And oh yeah, he should be buying beer. 


8. Storytelling. Spare a bro the details on what she said on her love note and what you said in yours. We are NOT interested in those details. Why are we even bros if you do not know that all I am interested in is the "action" part of the love story.


9. Wingman not necessary. If she is already your girlfriend, please spare a bro from enduring your romantic dates, even if that bro happens to have been your wingman throughout. No one likes to be the third wheel. A legitimate barkada gimmick should consist of at least 4 people. 


10. Return the favor. If you are able to close the deal, a bro should quickly find out if she has an available cute sister or barkada and make referrals.

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BTW, I am practically married (and happy) and no longer in the hunt. I only did this for the benefit the next generation of bros. For lack of clarifications, I've been burned by the rule you see.